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For the past four years, I have felt like there were two ‘me’s.’

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There was the me that always was—

the one who was quiet but kind,

overthought everything I said,

craved time alone more than company.

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The one who held more space for others’ opinions

than for my own thoughts about who I was.

–

I lacked boundaries,

yet kept everyone at a distance—

never sure how to protect myself

without shutting the world out.

–

I was exhausted and anxious,

trying to always know better,

please everyone,

be everything I thought I should be.

–

But then I moved—

to a country where nobody knew this “me.”

–

Without the weight of old expectations,

I saw myself more clearly than ever before.

–

With no familiar voices telling me who I was, 

I finally began to listen to myself.

And slowly, a new “me” began to emerge.

–

The me who is brave and soft,

who speaks with intention rather than perfection.

The one who craves quality time with the people I love,

and leaves with a smile on my face.

The one who looks inward for guidance

and accepts that not everyone will like what I find there.

–

I no longer keep people at arm’s length.

I let them see me, the real me—because now, I see myself too.

–

I am still kind, and sometimes quiet,

but now with strength and purpose.

I surprise myself with my resilience.

I have found a greater love for myself,

and through this, a greater capacity for loving others, too.

–

I feel overwhelming joy—

when I do yoga in the sunshine,

cook dinner for my friends,

sip coffee with my roommates,

laugh as I practice a new language.

–

I feel deep sadness, too—

when I go through a breakup,

miss my family back home,

feel lonely, or overwhelmed,

and sometimes for reasons I do not know.

–

For a long time, I believed that only the old me could exist in New York,

and the new me belonged to Israel.

As if I had to choose between them,

as if I could only be whole in one place.

–

But I see now that both have always been within me.

It was never about where I was—

it was about standing strong in who I am.

And once I did, the new me could exist anywhere.

–

When I say I have learned to love myself, 

I mean all of it.

The joyful, the sad, the excited, the heartbroken,

the strong, the fearful, the passionate—me

–

It was only once I accepted this—

that to love myself fully means one part is not more “me” than the other—

that I stopped feeling like there are two of me.

–

Wherever I am, whoever I’m with, whatever I feel—

I am whole

Because I am me.

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Written by Jessica Bard.

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