August 23, 2021.
I kept waiting for the nerves to hit. For it to finally set in that I am truly about to live in a foreign country with five strangers for ten months…but it never did. Not when I was on the plane, not when I arrived at the airport, not even when I finally saw the apartment that I would be calling home.
I thought I must not feel nervous because I just hadn’t come to terms with the fact that it was real. I thought when reality finally set in, I would be hit with the waves of anxiety I was used to feeling anytime I experienced something new. Although I know I will feel nervous at various points throughout these next 10 months (as any human being does anywhere in the world), I don’t think I feel nervous now because I know this is the path I am meant to be on.
People told me I was so “brave” for doing this, and, at first, I kept shutting them down because I assumed the only reason I could be this “brave” was because I didn’t think about the decision much. I just followed my gut that told me I was meant to come back to Israel and didn’t give it much further thought. How is it brave to be thoughtless in decision making–especially in making a decision that would dramatically change my life?
But the more I think about it, the more I believe it actually is brave. It’s brave to take on a huge life change that not many people would choose for themselves. It’s brave to say, “I have no idea what these next ten months will look like, but I am so eager and excited to see what awaits me.” It is extremely brave to have faith in myself to know what is best for me–to trust my gut (or my heart, or my soul, etc) so fully that I don’t feel the need to consider other people’s ideas or opinions about what my next step after college should be, or what I should be afraid of.
So, here’s to taking that leap of faith.
Here’s to listening to my heart and soul.
Here’s to the start of my next journey here in Israel.