March 28, 2022.
Hey, it’s been a while.
I’ve missed writing this blog. I’ve missed the joys of the creative writing process. I’ve missed the challenge of finding just the right words or syntax to portray the abstract thoughts swirling around in my mind. I’ve missed the connection I feel to those who reach out about what I’ve written, saying something that resonated with them. I’ve missed the vulnerability of sharing my inner thoughts with the small piece of the world that reads this blog, and with it, the mini burst of nerves and excitement I feel when I finally click post. I’ve definitely missed this…so why haven’t I posted in almost 3 months?
The truth is, this blog is so special to me because I’ve always been honest about what I’m going through…but I guess it’s a lot easier to be honest when things are going well. Unfortunately, friendships, family, relationships, work, and all of the other little pieces of our lives get messy and hard sometimes; and the thought of sharing those messes with all the people who read this blog seemed impossible to me for a while.
I felt like I was at a crossroads: Should I share the difficult things I’ve been dealing with, or do I just stick to the easy and happier things in my life? I knew I definitely wasn’t ready for the first option, but the second felt inauthentic and wrong. So I did neither; I simply stopped writing.
I think many of you probably share my concerns about people only sharing their “highlight reels” on social media, but it’s really hard to be the one to actually take the leap and share the ugly stuff too. I want to be honest in telling people that moving away from home is really hard. It took time before I was hit with the reality of life in a new country, because I was seeing everything with rose-colored glasses for a long time.
That being said, I’m not posting this to detail all the ways in which my life has been hard lately, or to complain that what I’ve been going through is so enormously difficult or sad or anything like that (because it’s really not). I’m posting this to say I’m human and because I’m human, I have trouble admitting to you all that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
I am overcome with relief and excitement as I finally write for this blog again. I look outside and see that the spring season is finally here; the season of renewal. I feel this opportunity for renewal in many aspects of my life, and it seems like the perfect time to start writing again.
3 thoughts on “To share, or not to share.”
Awesome post. It’s so challenging to find the right line through as we reveal our hearts to the world. The right pine for us and sometimes I find it a challenge to speak with not the voice of what and how I’ll be seen now me with the voice only of the pain and turmoil of my heart but instead with my voice that feels and yet sees me from a small remove and in context – what am I feeling, what are my questions, how are my questions changing, what am I feeling, what is lighting my way right now, where is love playing or hiding and what if I don’t know what I want right now (or ever again) and how do I live so that living clarifies my soul, my hear, my actions. There is so much…
Missed this blog so much. Sometimes time, as distance do as well, makes us realice what is important and fullfill us in so many different ways, so glad after all this time i can read the BatYamYoman again!
Many times we lie to ourselves about what is going with our deepest feelings, fears and preocupations. So can’t imagine what would be like not only accept that, confront it, be true to ourselves and going even a step more, and exposing, trying to explain and transmit all that we feeling. And you do it in such a beautiful and peaceful way…
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us and take out a smile each time i see the “New Post” tag in this Blog.
Love your writing style and expression ability. Very impressed.